Still Night..

I awake every morning with only thoughts of tire..
I endure every afternoon with only thoughts of work to be done..
I arrive every evening with only thoughts of the day past and gone..
But, it is during this still night full of thoughts of the day past and gone that scares me the most..
Much like the rise and fall of the sun..
Much like the disappearance and reappearance of the moon..
I too fall victim to these transitions of life..
A smile to face wherever my travels take me..
A laugh to face whoever I engage in conversation with..
But, it is when I am alone..
With nothing but screen and self separating me from the world I live..
I achieve nothing here..
I achieve only tire, fatigue and self infliction only here..
I refuse to sleep for reasons I can no longer comprehend..
In my acts of insomnia my fatigue and tire only evolve..
And still, this is only evident to myself.
There is no one that knows..
There is no one that can..
I just know that in the still of this night..
Much like every night before..
Nothing seems to be right in the world.
Not one bit of it..
For all the smiles and laughs that I can carry..
For all the smiles and laughs that everyone carries in my life..
The fragility of them is too real..
They last only temporarily..
But despite this truth..
It has undoubtedly become my job to rectify this world issue.
Starting right here and now where I live..
If only I could conquer the still of the night..
Then perhaps this job of mine wouldn't present itself so dauntingly to me.

In the compendium of thoughts that I have managed to summon..
Only possible within the calm of the night..
I step out of shadows embrace perhaps only for a moment.
Allowing mistakes past to present itself in its' glory..
In complete visibility for only my eyes to see..
For all the pain of these moments of failure..
I just know that tears is the last thing I should shed..
I guess the only word that truly comes to mind now is..
"I don't know.."

Still of the night, if for one day in my life you could disappear..
Like the 'three days' that I have treasured that have gone and past..
Then perhaps..
Sleep could find me..
Then perhaps..
I could chase away tire and fatigue..
Then perhaps..
I could shed a tear or two on the lines of joy..
And finally.. I could even move forward one step..
Instead of forever backwards..
But I suppose at this point it's already far too late for me.
Even I realize that in all my naivety.
I just want to be someone..
But I guess this is someone that I will be tomorrow..
And forever onwards..

Even if that someone asked if I imagined myself changing one day..
In all the hesitation I initially showed..
The answer was certainly within the depths of my mind..
No matter how quickly I needed to search..
The answer found me.