Efforts..

A relationship can be gauged by the effort of the individuals involved..
Be it a romantic relationship or simple friendship..
This is something that I learned quickly and with great ease..
However, the failure of this truth escapes my grasp just as quickly..
In terms of effort, when it comes down to it..
In the absence of modesty..
My ranking should be considered of the highest..
And yet, I fall short here receiving minimal return.
I've applied myself in manners humanly impossible..
Or rather humanly naive and purely dumb.
And yet, my return seems to only be ignorance.
Complete utter denial of existence despite the quantity and quality of efforts..
Both being something I offered in full..
Surrounded by substantial evidence the the truth of this 'effort' that I applied.
Efforts that I applied in practically every connection I shared with those that filled my life..
Efforts that people didn't deserve..
Efforts that people did deserve..
And yet it was simply one of the many traits I endeavored to maintain..
Purely out of despise for not because it was humanly not to.

It isn't difficult to grasp where my distrust stems from..
However, it is also just as clear that my constant exposure to this occurrence plays strong..
Demanding nothing and offering everything..
Expecting nothing but filling constant expectations all the while..
Much like a brick wall with only the job to stand strong without crack..
To defend without fall..
And, to stand with undying conviction.

I almost want to say it is unfair..
But that's just not me to..
It is almost laughable that such an individual like myself can even exist..
But I suppose it was my wish to live outside human realms..
Including the human positives that exist in life.

Drive out to city despite exhaust..
Requiring a two hour nap..
And yet, all I could muster was a complete lie to mask this fact.
Yet, this was all done for you..
But, somehow I fail to see the appreciation of the attempt.
An understanding that this individual should of known..
Or would of.
Perhaps.. I'm being more harsh today.
But I suppose this is one of many cracks to appear and seal..
Only visible here and to myself.

I know I try..
But, well yeah.
Let's just say I would never give up on any of you ever.