Chase..

I've experienced a multitude of surprises that have left me guessing..
Guessing to the origin..
Guessing to the reasoning..
Guessing to the consequences to follow..
But, one I never expected was that I would give chase..
So quickly.. So early..
Even my mind says it is too early..
But, somehow.. This person..
This single person.. Has managed to capture my attention..
Longer than most do these days..
Keeping a smile on my face..
Keeping a laugh on my face..
Just like she used to..
The same way she did when I was in the so called darker state..
I was convinced that people like these could no longer exist in my world..
And yet.. This person.. Is completely differently from the last..
Practically in every way.. And yet.. It works.
I really have no clue where to go from here..
But even if I am telling myself not to..
Even if I am trying not to..
I know I already am.. Even now..
Everyone that was there..
Everyone regarded and categorized as 'new' knows..
And surely.. But surely eventually more and more people are learning..
Except for the one I'm giving chase.
But.. I have got to admit.. I am happy to give chase..

However.. After today.. For all the fun that was had..
For all my smiles and my laughs..
Another unpredicted event took place..
The collection of my thought conceiving themselves the way they did..
Without my permission..
I have been nonchalantly in control of my thoughts for so long..
But for them to conceive the thoughts they did..
The origin or possibility truly escapes me..
I need to trust this person one day and in return they need to trust me..
But, with all these 'new' faces and old faces..
It's more than clear to me I still have a long way to go..
I am no longer the trusting type..
Only the trusted type instead..
But, can I change in time for this to work out..
Not even I can tell..
No one can..
I just know I want to tell someone..
To tell more people..
Only, so they can help..
I am trying to get help..
It has only been a few days but surprises like these..
I could never of predicted..
I don't know what is happening to me..
I don't even know if it is good or bad..
I just know it is happening..

I'm chasing this person..
I'm chasing my new feelings..
I am chasing this new world without hesitation or regret..
Once more.. I am.. living.