Edge of the unknown..

Something.. Something in me changed again before I had time to realize it.
Talking to people that were always there, but never gave much thought to it.
Just two people.

I taught myself a long time ago that people like these were long dead a long time ago.
But, even with them around.. I wasn't about to let down my guard.. I wasn't about to let it go.
For a dream too big to accomplish alone I knew I still had to.. It was the only way to secure it.
It 'is' the only way to secure it.

Hearing the stories of their lives that they once kept secret..
Watching them.. Let it go..
Watching them.. Trust.
I listened.. Like I always have.
I talked only when I had to to help.. Like I always have.
I kept quiet otherwise.. Like I always have..
I kept everyone at arm's length.. Like I always will..
Smiling when it was necessary..
Laughing when it was necessary..
Lying about myself when it was necessary..

They talked and shared like they belonged in the moment..
Like they belonged where they were.. Right then and there..
I've been fighting so hard to fit in moments like these..
And yet it finally presented itself to me.. But what did I do?
Nothing, I stayed true to the dream of fighting for the world, alone like always.
Arm's length.

It didn't matter if we ended up coming home at 5am talking all night long..
I didn't say anything..
It didn't matter.. As long as I helped someone on that day.

If that was the case, staying true to what I always have then.. Why?
Why is my heart reacting like this now.. So differently?
Why do I care that I didn't take part..
Why.. when questioned about myself did I hesitate only to slip out the truth?
I'm hoping they didn't catch on the depth behind my accidental truth..
Why is it.. When someone claimed to having been damaged property did my heart react in turn.
Am I the same? Damaged..?

I want to tell someone my burdens.. My worries.. My cares.. My weaknesses.. And strengths..
I want to tell someone who I am..
But I know I can't..
Why am I so confused now.. Compared to what I was just the day before?..

I'm standing on the edge.. But.. Do I jump?..
Even if I don't know what's in the abyss?..
Maybe.. I've changed this much again, because life is telling me something..
Maybe.. I've held onto the knowledge of those around me for too long for me to handle..
Maybe.. I am too damaged to carry on without help..
There are too many maybe's to account for..
All I know is, I have to jump or.. I have to step away from the edge.
Let go.. Or, be brave and hold on to my tears.. My sadness.. My burdens.. Their burdens..
Everything.

Funny how it happened on the 11th day of the month..

I am damaged at heart?..