White Notebook

"I'm okay with being fake on the surface. But, everything else?.. That 'is' mine. What I am, what I have, what I can do.. That's real."
-Robin Tey

White notebook..
Pages black..
Titled..
Pursuit of happiness..
Author..
You.

I have only one dream..
Bathed in turbulent skies..
Lost in a emotional maze..
Void of exit..
It's a simple dream..
Harder than any other..
A pursuit..
Of happiness.
Not in myself..
But in those surrounding.
They've stained my pages white..
This dream of mine..
Writing my story with yours.

These pages tore when early summer winds circled..
Crying out of safety..
Crying of escape.
But.. That 'was' my place to return to..
No longer.
I have no intention of a life lived easy or safe..
I have only the intention of a life lived with dream fulfilled..
Right now, I'm living for this..
My own wish..
My own dream..
My reality.

Until today.. I've lived everyday with only expectation of self..
The expectation of strength impossible..
I am strong..
I have been strong..
Commanding compulsion of will..
Just so someone else could live..
Live and smile..
With burden new..
With life new..
I had only one path to crawl..
In winding..
In thin..
Forever growing..
I trained my heart..
I trained my body..
I trained my mind..
Teaching of a limitless possible..
I want to become stronger..
Still..
I will be stronger..
I want to realize this reality of mine..
I can't lose..
I won't.
After all..
"I'm only living to fulfill my dream."

Fate alone holds the premises of my last chapter..
But.. Until then..
I have made up my mind..
I don't want pity..
I don't want to run..
My spirit..
My fire..
They are more than enough for this path I crawl.

I'm more than thankful for the kindness that I have received from individuals..
So, I only wish that you never make a sad face ever again for my sake..
But, it is for your kind hearts that I will turn my hatred and anger to strength..
No matter how strung in depth it may be..
To reject faces hurt.. Faces sad.. Faces worried..
It is for these kind hearts that I want to become stronger..
I'm willing to carry it with me for your smiles..
I'm willing to wear forced smiles holding elongated shadows..
I'm willing to endure this undeniably growing physical exhaust..
I'm willing to accept the sacrifice that is me..
Under beautifully scarlet skies..
This pain..
Is alright with me.

" Tears shed is no excuse for sins' end..
These regrets..
A price to painfully worn in eternity.."
-Robin Tey

392 days..
6 people..
0 tears..
? smiles..
? laughs..