Return..

I once had it controlled..
I once had it contained..
I was able to live by rule of facade..
I was able to wear my mask of smiles..
I was able to wear my shades of deceit..
Emotionless behind only because this was the way it had to be.
This was the way it needed to be..
The way it should of been.

Today I failed to hide behind my smile..
Today I failed to find motivation..
Today I failed to surpass my limitations..
Today I failed to control my emotions..
Today I failed to ignore it..
Everything I was could.
The me of yesterday would never let feelings foolishly control me.
The me of yesterday never would of let what happened today happen.
A secret I am all but too afraid too share..
Only because of the worry that will follow.
Living in the fear of me.
Knowing that none can handle..
None can control.
Not even myself.

Once upon a time..
In a time not too far away..
I could smile away any amount of tears..
But today 377 days later I lost the smile of confidence.
Only because my heart began to beat..
Now I can only ask..
When will my tears start?..

I know it's too late to run.
I know it's too late to push away.
I know I shouldn't be here at all..
I know it's too much.
Too much for even me..

2 hours of reservation..
I only know..
That I can't trust myself with me anymore.

It has returned..