Timeless Winter

"If you take the time to listen to nothing.. You can hear everything..
Listen to the silence.. And it will reply you.."
-Robin Tey

Fired by Ice.. Iced by Fire..

Why?
I've given claim to summer being my favorite season..
I love the heat..
I love the warmth..
I love the every prospect of fire itself..
From it's devotion to live and grow and to expand, for those around it..
Keeping them warm..
Keeping them happy..
I've tried to live my life following the exact same principles for as long as I can remember..
Dancing in the wind, like the fire of tomorrow, forever growing..

My secret passion..
My secret wish..
To live, just so others can live better..
Living, to prevent suffering..
Living for those I know..
Those I don't..
Those I trust..
Those I don't..
Those I hate..
Without discrimination or personal judgment and emotion..
Just, for humanity.
For a better world I've set out to be different from everyone else..
Thinking differently..
Acting differently..
Responding differently..
Always.. Observing..
Always..
Acting only when I'm needed..
Making my presence known.. Only when needed..

But, in order to reach my destination of difference..
The path I walk has only one road..
With sunlight too thin to see..
but, I've never once allowed myself opportunity to give up..
Ever.
And, I never will.

My will.. My determination has grown into my greatest strength and weakness..
All at the same time..
Keeping my dream alive I've devoted every waking moment for those around me..
Keeping my dream alive I've devoted every waking moment to stray from the path of self..
I've kept my hours of rest short..
But, I've also kept the hours I am devoid of self long.

Although I love summer..
Winter has settled within the recesses of my heart.
For all the warmth I can offer..
There is none I can receive..
Ever.
To receive it is to accept the emotions I've learned to ignore..
I can smile..
If I have to..
If I need to keep others doing the same..
If, I want to hide..
I can't cry..
If I have to..
If I need to..
If I want to..
Not that I can.

But, for all the times I want someone to know..
I know no one can..
Because for all the want in the world..
It's something I would be taking away from the world..
I'm not here to glorify what I've done or to let the world know what I've done..
I'm here simply just to do.
But, not even I know how long I can last..
I just know that I can't be human..
I can't smile..
I can't laugh..
I can't cry..
I just am.
Emotions are secondary..
Ethics and mission comes first.
Always.

I know deep down I really wish someone was listening to me right now..
But I know on the surface and deeper down..
Someone needs me to be listening to them right now..
That's why this is my reason for living.
No matter the cost of sacrifice.
This is my reason.
This is my fight.

The answer to why?..
Because I know what it feels like.
Because I don't want others to feel the same.
Because, I don't want to be normal.
Because, I don't want to be human.

My Ice..
My fire..
My summer snowflake..

I am cold at heart...