Everlasting Affliction

Today the words "stop" were placed before me in the shape of an impossible obstacle by people that will grace my life for the entirety of my life..
Through compassion and care, those I call parents told me to quit something I loved for my sake..
If I stay on this path, one day.. One day very soon I will lose all ability to run..
Maybe even walk..
They know that..
Even my brother too proud to admit he cares knows it..
It's something I've known all along but just never wanted to admit to myself..
However reality has finally caught up to me running too far ahead for me to possibly catch it..
But, if I choose to stray from this path..
I will certainly lose a part of me that is too large to possibly recover..
People always say a good life is one without regret..
Now, what if I know I will regret this decision to quit?.. What then.
Would it be right to?..
I've never given up on anything in my life..
From the small to the big..
But as much as I choose to deny it I am only 'human'..

The best years of my life are condensed to every moment within these six..
This is a path I always thought I would run down into retirement..
But it seems retirement is all too close at the age of 19.
This was an opportunity taught to me by someone I barely knew..
In fact, my brother's friend.
At the end of it.. He passed the torch down to me to take over his job..
Now, it's my turn to teach of possibility and opportunity to these future generations..

Looking back at the path I've run I know it's been a worthwhile one without regrets..
I've formed relationships and friendships that I never believed possible..
No matter how short..
I've grown into a better and stronger person that I thought I could ever become..
No matter how ignorant I choose to be..
I've had the chance to meet even her here..
Even.. If we're not together today..
This is where I learned to live without remorse..
And, this is where I learned to love..
My biggest smiles were condensed to moments involving the people I met here..
My loudest laughs were condensed to feats that I achieved here..
And, my strongest tears were condensed to the experiences I shared here..
It was here that my life was truest and lived to the fullest..
From the saddest to the happiest of times..

All I wish for now is the opportunity to make it just as real for these future generations..
To fulfill my dream any way I can..
Anywhere I Can..

Call me stupid if you want..
But Ultimate Frisbee has become a way of life for me..
If not for this sport I would not meet who I did and be who I am.
Call me stupid if you want..
But Ultimate Frisbee is something I want to teach to everyone else..
So they can smile, laugh and cry just like I did..
So they can love the sport like I do..
Call me stupid if you want..
But I now hold this torch to pass onto the next generation..
I am now the coach..
I am now the organizer for the entire school..
I am now running the winning school teams in the league..
I am now running this all with individuals with the same passion as me.
Call me stupid if you want. Because, I know I'm not.

But why must I give up this wonderful way of life?..
Because it's not humanly possible for me..
much like my time in the world of Frisbee has been long..
My pain has shared this same trait..
Some know of it..
Some do not..
I'm growing older.. Too fast..
I was once in perfect shape..
But now?..
Running has become unbearable for a back too weak to handle it..
Opening doors, picking up objects has become too difficult for my wrists to handle it..
Jumping and turning around has become too difficult for my ankles and legs to handle it..
I can only turn my body a few degrees to the right..
I can no longer tense my body without pain..
I can no longer wake up in the mornings with ease..
I have dropped the lightest of objects simply because my wrist lost all strength to carry it..
I have collapsed under simple gravity being incapable to support it with my legs..
I have collapsed heavily back down in the morning just from trying to get up..
I have become fragile.. Something I've always feared..
Crippled beyond repair..
This is my fifth year of endurance..
I am a master of physical endurance.. And yet I still can't handle this..
Chances are I'm going to be paralyzed soon too..
I've already had my treatments..
But they can only do so much..
I've never had so much trouble standing, sitting and lying down..
I've never had so much trouble drinking out of a bottle..
I've never had so much trouble walking to the toilet..
The only thing I ask now is how big a fool am I?..
I know without a doubt in my heart I've already chosen to carry on.
I just don't know if I'll be seeing tomorrow like I am today.
I won't give up..
My dream is to create a better world for people..
And this is somewhere I can start..
I only just started..
How can I give it up now?..

I am crippled at heart...